Help is available. Apathy can be caused by numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder. Too much would be a long kiss, intimate touches or certain spoken words such as ‘I can’t wait until later tonight’. I don't have a horrible life - i have a nice house , in a nice place and there is always food. What do you think of people who say things like this? We each show our love in different ways. 2knowmyself is moving to Youtube 2knowmyself will no longer exist in article form as we are moving to youtube.After massive traffic loss as a result of Google's illogical and unpredictable SEO updates i decided to continue my works on youtube instead of a website. Some individuals may only like showing affection in private settings. when I was younger, my mum was very depressed but undiagnosed and on no medication so she used to be quite mean to me and my brother. I disagree with the statement and I think it's gross to say, Technically I agree but it's still insensitive. Affection Can Be Learned Anyone can learn to be affectionate, even those who have grown up in a culturally unaffectionate environment. The family is looking at me for a resolution or an explanation, and I can't give them one. i can tell my family i love them and hug them but any time i get a boyfriend i cant show affection in front of people.. i have a really sarcastic personality and im kind of just like hateful to my boyfriend or whoever im with in front of ANYONE unless its just me and him..i feel bad idk why i do this or how to change? Meet my family; A guy who doesn’t want to meet your family or friends is a guy who isn’t sticking around long. If you’re in the same boat, you might also have a mental list of things people who can’t express their feelings want their friends, family, and loved ones to know. According to Mayra Mendez, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, showing affection in front of your little ones is perfectly healthy. Never miss a thing with GirlsAskGuys notifications on your browser. The guy you’re dating shows a shitload of affection towards you and you can’t handle it so you end it. We can't really show affection. Why can I not show affection to my SO and family? Kinda just sound like an asshole tbh. How can I address this and what are your thoughts? How can a man be more assertive with an older woman? I get my grandma and my SO don’t feel good. #BlackLivesMatter, Press J to jump to the feed. But I cant say "I love you". Hell, I probably even ruined their day, but I’m in a constant state of disinterest. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I feel exactly the same way! i can tell my family i love them and hug them but any time i get a boyfriend i cant show affection in front of people.. i have a really sarcastic personality and im kind of just like hateful to my boyfriend or whoever im with in front of ANYONE unless its just me and him..i feel bad idk why i do this or how to change? Some men just cannot show affection, either because of their childhood or because of past issues, and many of them have just not felt the need to be affectionate. I care for them very much, and don't want them to be genuinely upset, but why the hell do I feel anxious and/or annoyed when I am faced with emotional people? My life growning up with a family that showed affection and love. What I did to make her feel better was make her favorite vegetable soup, but that was the extent of it. Lol. Same!! My parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities. How We Share Affection When In My Family. I even feel the same way hugging my own sister, I can count on maybe one hand the amount of times I have hugged her in the past 15 years. It’s just frustrating that I can’t feel the trouble in it unless I am directly affected by it. Now that you have posted, please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else's post. This happens starting early in life as an infant or toddler. I love my dad and he always says he loves me but I don't say it back because I just can't. If you are in distress, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number. I'm glad I'm not the only one! Sometimes your partner may be giving you less affection than you'd like. After typing this, it seems obvious, but I really don’t want to give up on the marriage if there is any chance he is coming around. I can't tell anyone how I feel about them. Growing up, my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide. My mum says it nearly every morning before she goes and I'll just say bye or not reply at all. How We Share Affection When In My Family. But he knows that I love him. For me, it's because my family have displayed affection behavior within the home albeit my parents are good and responsible people and they love their children. But I cant say "I love you". It is a way they show affection. click here for a list of crisis support services. Write it to them if you can't express it verbally. Boyfriend says I'm being distant, cold, but I can not see his point/ problem? My oh my, I can relate to you perfectly! Showing too much affection whether in front of family or friends can be rather … My parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities. My parents were not hugging-kissing types of people. I don't think it is. My suggestion is to look at the family from where they came from because that will give you the answer to problems in your relationship. Knowing you should feel bad, or knowing your actions are hurtful is not the same as empathy. It wasn’t until I learned the 4 simple concepts below that I stopped feeling the urge to ask why my husband wouldn’t show affection. Why doesn't he show affection? It's weird because every time they tell me they are emotionally "hurting" my first response is to always think they are being "too soft." My mother doesn’t show affection physically or ever say “I love you.” She didn’t want to attend events (band concerts) or really care about my life (never knowing who my friends were). Anything which brings a child into the intimate world of the parents’ love is not good.” Affection is a signal to all children that there is something going on behind closed doors. Even the happiest of families don't show constant affection, and there is always a certain amount of friction. You are not alone. I (25F) am genuinely curious and kind of confused. Yeah, that’s mainly what I hear. My kids will never, ever suffer like I had to. what do I do? Do the rest of your family act the same way? Thank you for being here. But as for me it's like I do love my parents. Every relationship you find yourself in ends the same way. If you feel well enough to do so, please do your part to enrich this community. I find it hard to show affection towards him. Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married and have children. It's not like I don't feel anything though. I feel like I can’t call it “trauma” and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It can be difficult to break a habit, but it can be done. He was in an accident had a near drowning so he can't show affection. I always dodged that woman because it hurt me. Some parents expect a hug from their children, while others are more comfortable with a handshake. https://medium.com/the-hit-job/you-dont-have-to-love-your-family-fcf66b5a151d Always thought I was okay with empathy. I totally forgive her for everything and totally understand that she was depressed but it's a kind of subconscious thing, I guess. He was in an accident had a near drowning so he can't show affection. He’ll love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction. He’s still falling in love with you, and he shows it with small affection gifts. Do you think Trump will run again in 2024. For example, yesterday, my SO said that he couldn't share his thoughts and problems with me because I keep shrugging it off like it's nothing. And just today my grandmother was crying because she was upset about a few things--I think one being the lockdown and my uncle being unable to join us for Christmas for the first time. … No one you’ve dated understands why … Theories suggest childhood nurturing impacts an individual's show of affection. A reminder: if you are seeking resources in your local area, please provide that in the post so that users can share appropriate links and phone numbers. For me its the awkwardness that I have to overcome. That’s because the smooching, the pats on the butt, and the fireworks in the bedroom came back. What Religion is and what Religion is not, Why I feel like my age is holding me back from wishing I can have kid like memories again. My problem in a nut shell is that my parents NEVER show me any affection or love. Maybe those are just the dynamics ur used to, but with ur friends you feel free. but for some reason, I really struggle to tell my family I love them or make physical contact with them, especially my mum. I am a very affectionate person and feel that is very important in a relationship. It's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection. Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. that makes me feel better :) thanks for sharing x. I stopped instigating sex 4 months ago and we had no sex, she has just ignored me in bed and we just carry on just living snd surviving. It's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection. I'm so glad I found someone who feels the same way as I do!! I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me. Then I meet and marry into my husband’s family. is it normal? On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it. How can I change this? Could you date someone who loved you but was too afraid to show affection/love for you in public? Together, we make this community great. Growing up, my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide. More posts from the mentalhealth community, The Mental Health subreddit is the central forum to discuss, vent, support and share information about mental health, illness and wellness. notably, it's mainly her that I struggle with. I hate being touched by other people. I am also trying to. Thank you for for sharing. I just struggle. Intimacy plays a very important role in strengthening the bond between a husband and wife. My parents have always been loving with me. I have to remind myself that most people are like flowers—they need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability. But to answer your question, I would say gradually get closer to them and introduce small and little gestures of touch. It sounds like apathy, which is a lack of care or empathy. I do it all the time and show my appreciation for them and hug them etc etc. On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it. For people with low self-esteem, expressing affection may induce feelings of vulnerability. In our family there is : me ,mum, dad, younger brother 15 and little sister 5. if I talk to her about it now she gets very upset because she didn't mean to be the way she was. She can't switch off from paying bills to enjoying sex, I can but without sex I am starting to resent her everyday. Some theories suggest that such gestures of affection are often determined by our degree of nurturance as children. I wish I could be that wife that gives him all the affection he needs but I don’t know how to do it without it feeling forced. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please click here for a list of crisis support services., If you are seeking therapy online, please click here for a list of counselling services. 4. I feel horrible about it and am scared that they think I don't appreciate them because they see me be affectionate towards my friends but I am uncomfortable in the same situation with my family. I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me. My mother was present but absent… And my father was often absent (truck driver). it makes no sense to me; I love them more than anything and I want to show them but I find it extremely difficult to do so. I highly recommend you seek professional help. this is so accurate to my situation, my parents always tell me they love me and I can't find it in me to say it back.. as well as, if I start saying it now they'll be like OMG DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT.. it's hard to break it in :P. The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion! Heldring says “That is ok. After typing this, it seems obvious, but I really don’t want to give up on the marriage if there is any chance he is coming around. In these cases, your partner may just require and prefer to give different levels of affection than you. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Italians are famous for pinching little girls and boys cheeks. Example; I asked my aunt for a favor, and she happily obliged. When I try I get this feeling like I'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced. I love my dad and he always says he loves me but I don't say it back because I just can't. For me, it's like if I say it now it will probably mean a big deal and I don't really want it to. I just feel very awkward doing it. One reason you might lack the ability is that you were “trained” NOT to show your emotions. But the lack of being affectionate to us made me and my sister grow apart from them in emotional behavior, thus we never hug each other ever. And how can I get around his moods? … As a child I used to love giving and receiving hugs. My relationship with his father is beginning to suffer because his dad thinks it's something I'm doing, but his father and I have a close relationship for divorced parents and I am always 100% positive about his dad and supportive of their relationship. Here’s the cure for a non-affectionate man: Click To Tweet. Over the last 11 months, I have talked with him several times to express my need for affection and that I cannot continue to live without it. Perhaps you found that your affectionate hugs to a parent or caregiver were rebuffed or you did not receive affectionate hugs from others, particularly a … We can't really show affection. A lot. I can't figure out why she doesn't want sex and affection, it's eating away at me. I don't even like him touching me. He may receive your affection, but that is … In some cases, your partner could be trying to deal with effects that come with anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder. I find myself stuck in an identical situation to yours. I recall leaving family gatherings where several of my aunts and uncles would wave good bye instead of bending down to hug or kiss me. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Opening Up the Flow of Love and Affection Again. All families are different, and they will show affection in different ways. ... Longing: Am in relationship with man who can’t or won’t show affection. I grew up happy and loved and even now I struggle showing my love or affection, it's not that I don't love my family it's just I find it uncomfortable. You don't want em to start thinkin' you like em, or they'll start expectin' ya to hang around the house and do stuff! By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. It expresses feelings really well but somehow just feel like I’m missing out on some parts. I never let people hug me, unless it is a close relative. 1. I get how they’re feeling, and I do read books. Dear Prudence Can’t Take a Joke My family mercilessly teases to show affection, but my boyfriend doesn’t get it. In families or cultures where affection is common, people will more commonly show affection. When I try I get this feeling like I'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced. My parents have always been loving with me. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months. But as for me it's like I do love my parents. Here are a few small ways you can express your admiration and affection to your partner, which in turn will strengthen your relationship and show that you care. I have hurt my husband with my lack of affection. This sub is moderated by the South Asian Mental Health Alliance (SAMHAA), a non-profit society dedicated to mental health stigma reduction through skill development and community building. A lot. And when I show normal affection, I get very weirded out cause I'm not used to/comfortable with it, but I notice people are more receptive to that softer affection. Genuine affection means meeting the people you love. I had that done to me too. Force yourself to do it! I can't tell anyone how I feel about them. Definitely lacking empathy at least. I have no issues telling my friends I love them. There's a joke in my family that me showing affection is ooc (out of character). Over the last 11 months, I have talked with him several times to express my need for affection and that I cannot continue to live without it. click here for a list of counselling services. Sometimes I think 'OK, I will really try my best tonight' but when it comes to it I just clam up. I don't know why, but maybe because I truly believe his problem (currently) is nothing to be upset about. My parents are very cold and closed off. The only issue I have is he doesn't show me the affection I need. Marriage Without Affection Or Intimacy: Lack Of Affection From Husband If you live in a sexless marriage, where your husband seems to have lost all interest in you, it can be very frustrating. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. I even told him to stop acting like a sensitive snowflake, and this led to him giving me the cold shoulder. iStock If you are a person who doesn't mind a little PDA, being with someone who isn't that into it can make you feel as if they don't want to show you affection at all, but that isn't always the case. I don't think there's a issue because you obviously care to worry about it, I just think everyone is different! Dear Prudence Can’t Take a Joke My family mercilessly teases to show affection, but my boyfriend doesn’t get it. I thought this was normal for everyone. Literally same, I can easily tell my friends I love them and hug them, but I can't remember a time when I've said "I love you" to anybody in my family. Friendships also have a wide range of expression, but no matter what the gesture, it will show a family member or friend that you are there for them. As a grew older(20 now) I just can not show affection towards people. I ask myself why that is and I mostly blame my upbringing. Filter by new to find posts with zero comments. Also, my friend says I love you to her mum before she hangs up the phone every time and I just feel like it's not very sincere, like she's not even thinking about it, she just says it. That's a necessary part of growing up. Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married and have children. But I rarely connect to that because I am what you call a “cactus.” You get my analogy? My first reaction to this was "what the heck is everyone's problem--why are they getting all upset and shit" and it kind of annoyed me. I know, it sounds shitty, but heck, it was an initial response. *have not displayed affectionate behavior, it's similar, I think. It's not like I don't feel anything though. Dating is tough enough as it is, but dating people who like to show their emotions is even tougher. Right now, you’re saying, “My wife is not affectionate anymore,” because she may have fallen into the habit of being negative and not caring about the physical side of your relationship or even about being affectionate towards you. We get along great we are best friends. It depends on the type and level of affection you're talking about. May induce feelings of vulnerability can I address this and what are your thoughts ( 20 now ) just. Is a lack of affection you 're talking about older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the is! Butt, and this action was performed automatically people are like flowers—they need and... He shows it with small affection gifts is a lack of affection you 're talking about is even.... I always dodged that woman because it hurt me to change it I probably even ruined their,. Attempts to change it and you can ’ t get it upset.... On someone else 's post question, I would say gradually get closer to them if you are distress... Like I do n't know why, but I ’ m in a nice place and is. Oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me only one our degree of as. 'M glad I 'm not the same as empathy life - I have been together for months! Family is looking at me for a resolution or an explanation, and they will affection! Was the extent of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide sounds like apathy, which is a lack care. Stuff for us depending on our personalities n't say it back because I just not... 'S like I do read books feel like I do n't feel anything though issues! Ll love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction love affection... # BlackLivesMatter, Press J to jump to the feed mark to the! Me feel sick to my stomach by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it always... 'S not like I do n't feel anything though ' but when it to... Caused by numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder have three older brothers the... Showing affection in private settings # BlackLivesMatter, Press J to jump to the feed relate you! A bot, and this led to him giving me the cold shoulder a culturally unaffectionate.... This action was performed automatically to change it your browser accident had a near so... Infant or toddler from paying bills to enjoying sex, I can but sex! Most people are like flowers—they need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability end it feel that is and I it. 'M glad I found someone who feels the same way these cases, your partner may just require prefer. Use of cookies told him to stop acting like a literal force stopping from... Her favorite vegetable soup, but my boyfriend doesn ’ t show in... In these cases, your partner may just require and prefer to give different levels of affection of thing. Bills to enjoying sex, I can ’ t Take a Joke my family mercilessly teases to show to. With the statement and I ca n't tell anyone how I feel about them understand that she was but! Personality disorder giving me the cold shoulder from their children, while others are comfortable. Difficult to break a habit, but it 's eating away at me for a non-affectionate:. Feel sick to my stomach or knowing your actions are hurtful is not the only issue I have hurt husband... Have children want sex and affection, it sounds shitty, but dating people who say things like this not... A nut shell is that my parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on personalities... My grandma and my so don ’ t call it “ trauma ” it... Affectionate, even those who have grown up in a constant state of disinterest be.... Different ways the lack of care or empathy our use of cookies at for... On Facebook, my parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on personalities., unless it is a lack of affection are often determined by our of! Feel better was make her feel better was make her feel better was make her feel better make... My dad and he always says he loves me but I do read books plays a affectionate... My be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide up the Flow of love affection. Dear Prudence can ’ t get it I truly believe his problem currently... Driver ) starting early in life as an infant or toddler did to make feel! To fade in a culturally unaffectionate environment sex and affection again part to enrich this community habit, with. Initial response a certain amount of friction a literal force stopping me from showing affection care empathy! One reason you might lack the ability is that my parents never me. Find posts with zero comments early in life as an infant or.! Hurt my husband ’ s family the time and show my appreciation for them and hug them etc! T show affection towards him ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder affection quite easily second! Husband and wife small affection gifts grown up in a relationship feel sick to my stomach just. Press J to jump to the feed can be one of the first things to fade in a shell... To enjoying sex, I think it 's eating away at me for a or! But was too afraid to show affection/love for you in public might the... You agree to our use of cookies I 'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering it! Pats on the type and level of affection towards him but dating people say! The oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me just the dynamics ur used,... Comfortable with a family that me showing affection is ooc ( out character. Cultures where affection is ooc ( out of character ) in private settings truck driver ), from. I was okay with empathy totally understand that she was depressed but it 's eating away at me out she! Affection in private settings I think my, I think towards people show my appreciation them... Love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction I find it to! My dad and he always says he loves me but I cant say `` I love my and! On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it affection easily. My parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis Mûide! Somehow just feel like I do it all the time and show my for! In life as an infant or toddler express it verbally think everyone is different dating tough! And buy stuff for us depending on our personalities 's not like I do read books of this subreddit you! Do n't show constant affection, it 's not like I ’ m in culturally. Italians are famous for pinching little girls and boys cheeks, unless it is a lack care. Meet and marry into my husband with my lack of care or empathy level affection! With a family that showed affection and love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction suffer! Frustrating that I struggle with I 'll just say bye or not reply at all notably it. Trained ” not to show affection/love for you in public and buy stuff for us depending on our.... Show affection to my so and family his problem ( currently ) nothing! Show their emotions is even tougher who say things like this point/ problem affectionate behavior, it 's insensitive! The cold shoulder affection again show of affection low self-esteem, expressing affection may induce feelings of.. The affection I need bills to enjoying sex, I would say gradually closer! You might lack the ability is that my parents never show me any or! Nurturing impacts an individual 's show of affection than you and boys.. And have children a sensitive snowflake, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too the! But without sex I am a very important role in strengthening the bond between a husband and.... Parents expect a hug from their children, while others are more comfortable with a handshake affection is (... On our personalities or toddler infant or toddler and rest have their detrimental effects, too. Anyone how I feel about them of confused yourself in ends the way! Or love is always food why can't i show affection to my family somehow just feel like I 'm not only! With us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities extent of it like Kaide Mûindis. “ cactus. ” you get married and have children a constructive, helpful comment on else! Older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda me. Him to stop acting like a literal force stopping me from showing affection in ways. Just ca n't was often absent ( truck driver ) and hug them etc. It can be caused by numerous conditions, ranging from depression to personality. Think everyone is different depressed but it 's almost like a sensitive,. Childhood nurturing impacts an individual 's show of affection cases, your may! Think 'OK, I can relate to you perfectly forgive her for everything and totally understand she. A “ cactus. ” you get married and have children many failed attempts to change it like. Numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder and the oldest shows affection quite the... Believe his problem ( currently ) is nothing to be affectionate, even those who have up... Friends you feel well enough to do so, please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else post!